1. Ask her to dance.

2. On windy days, brush wayward strands of hair from her eyes and mouth.

3. When she's coming down the street, across the room, or up the stairs to meet you, walk towards her as soon as you see her.

4. Kiss her between her shoulder blades when she turns her back to you to go to sleep.

5. Put your arm around her when you introduce her to your friends and family.

6. Grasp her hand when a scantily dressed, beautiful woman walks by.

7. Call her when you're feeling sad.

8. Kiss her eyelids.

9. Ask to see a picture of her when she was a child.

10. Wash her from head to toe in the shower.

11. If she's crying on the phone, go over to her place. Immediately.

12. Stand her naked on a sturdy chair and **** between her legs.

13. Occasionally call her by her first and middle names.

14. Buy her your favourite rock album of all time on vinyl.

15. Order coffee for her, remembering exactly how she likes it.

16. Undress her and put her to bed when she falls asleep in the car.

17. Mention your upcoming anniversary before she does.

18. Send her something in the mail. Anything.

19. When she's feeling insecure, stare into her eyes & tell her there is no-one in the world who could be as right for you as she is.

20. Call her just before you get on the plane.

21. Pick her clothes up off the floor.

22. Try desperately to make her laugh when she's feeling down.

23. Take her to see your favorite sport live. Pay more attention to her than the game.

24. Touch her arm when you leave the table to go to the bathroom. Touch her again when you come back.

25. Shave just before you see her. She'll notice.

26. Hug her when she gets jealous. Hug her hard.

27. Worship her breasts.

28. Give her jewellery.

29. Hand her two towels when she gets out of the shower. (The second one is for her hair.)

30. Ask her specific questions about her work.

31. Keep her favourite cereal on hand.

32. In the middle of a conversation, tell her you love her.

33. Send her very expensive flowers when you screw up.

34. Take her to a cabin with a fireplace. Build her a fire.

35. Moan her name when she goes down on you.

36. Read her a story when it's her turn to drive during a long road trip.

37. Offer to fix something at her place that you realize is broken.

38. Notice when she's wearing something new.

39. Make love to her standing up, against a wall.

40. Kiss her hand in front of your most die-hard bachelor buddies.

41. If she's too stressed to want sex...
a. Run a bath for her.
b. Give her a full-body massage.
c. Ask if she wants to wrestle.

41 ways to melt a women

by on 12:20:00 AM
1. Ask her to dance. 2. On windy days, brush wayward strands of hair from her eyes and mouth. 3. When she's coming down the street, acro...
Cinderella is now 95 years old.

After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship. One sunny afternoon out of nowhere, appeared the fairy godmother.

Cinderella said, "Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?"

The fairy godmother replied, "Cinderella, you have lived an exemplary life since I last saw you. I'm prepared to grant you three wishes. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?" Cinderella was taken back, overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration, she uttered her first wish:

"The prince was wonderful, but not much of an investor.I'm living hand to mouth on my disability checks, and I wish I were wealthy beyond comprehension." Instantly her rocking chair turned into solid gold. Cinderella said, "Ooh, thank you, Fairy Godmother."

The fairy godmother replied "It is the least that I can do; What do you want for your second wish?"

Cinderella looked down at her frail body, & said, "I wish I were young & full of the beauty & youth I once had."

At once, her wish became reality, & her beautiful young visage returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside of her that had been dormant for years.

And then the fairy godmother spoke once more: "You have one more wish; what shall it be?"

Cinderella looks over to the frightened cat in the corner and says, "I wish for you to transform Bob, my old cat, into a kind and handsome young man."

Magically, Bob suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological make-up that, when he stood before her, he was a man so beautiful the likes of him neither she nor the world had ever seen.

The fairy godmother said, "Congratulations, Cinderella, enjoy your new life!!" With a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, the fairy godmother was gone as suddenly as she appeared.

For a few eerie moments, Bob & Cinderella looked into each others eyes. Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most beautiful, stunningly perfect man she had ever seen.

Then Bob walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, & held her close in his young muscular arms.


He leaned in close, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath as he whispered ...

"Bet you're sorry you neutered me."

When Cinderella Got Old

by on 2:44:00 PM
Cinderella is now 95 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the worl...
50. "I promise you I will listen to what has been said here, even though I wasn't here." -at the President's Economic Forum in Waco, Texas, Aug. 13, 2002

49.
"We spent a lot of time talking about Africa, as we should. Africa is a nation that suffers from incredible disease." -Gothenburg, Sweden, June 14, 2001


48. "You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test." -Townsend, Tenn., Feb. 21, 2001

47. "I am here to make an announcement that this Thursday, ticket counters and airplanes will fly out of Ronald Reagan Airport." --Washington, D.C., Oct. 3, 2001

46. "Tribal sovereignty means that; it's sovereign. I mean, you're a -- you've been given sovereignty, and you're viewed as a sovereign entity. And therefore the relationship between the federal government and tribes is one between sovereign entities." --Washington, D.C., Aug. 6, 2004

45. "I couldn't imagine somebody like Osama bin Laden understanding the joy of Hanukkah." --at a White House menorah lighting ceremony, Washington, D.C., Dec. 10, 2001

44. "You know, one of the hardest parts of my job is to connect Iraq to the war on terror." --interview with CBS News' Katie Couric, Sept. 6, 2006

43. "The same folks that are bombing innocent people in Iraq were the ones who attacked us in America on September the 11th." --Washington, D.C., July 12, 2007

42. "I'm the commander -- see, I don't need to explain -- I do not need to explain why I say things. That's the interesting thing about being president." --as quoted in Bob Woodward's Bush at War

41. "F*ck Saddam. We're taking him out." --to three U.S. senators in March 2002, one year before the Iraq invasion, as quoted by Time magazine

40. "Oh, no, we're not going to have any casualties." --discussing the Iraq war with Christian Coalition founder Pat Robertson in 2003, as quoted by Robertson

39. "I will not withdraw, even if Laura and Barney are the only ones supporting me." --talking to key Republicans about Iraq, as quoted by Bob Woodward

38. "I hear there's rumors on the Internets that we're going to have a draft." --presidential debate, St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 8, 2004

37. "I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family." --Greater Nashua, N.H., Chamber of Commerce, Jan. 27, 2000

36. "Do you have blacks, too?" --to Brazilian President Fernando Cardoso, Washington, D.C., Nov. 8, 2001

35. "This foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating." --as quoted by the New York Daily News, April 23, 2002

34. "My plan reduces the national debt, and fast. So fast, in fact, that economists worry that we're going to run out of debt to retire." --radio address, Feb. 24, 2001

33. "I don't think anybody anticipated the breach of the levees." --on "Good Morning America," Sept. 1, 2005, six days after repeated warnings from experts about the scope of damage expected from Hurricane Katrina

32. "I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully." --Saginaw, Mich., Sept. 29, 2000

31. "I would say the best moment of all was when I caught a 7.5 pound largemouth bass in my lake." --on his best moment in office, interview with the German newspaper Bild am Sonntag, May 7, 2006

30. "They misunderestimated me." --Bentonville, Ark., Nov. 6, 2000

29. "Because the -- all which is on the table begins to address the big cost drivers. For example, how benefits are calculate, for example, is on the table; whether or not benefits rise based upon wage increases or price increases. There's a series of parts of the formula that are being considered. And when you couple that, those different cost drivers, affecting those -- changing those with personal accounts, the idea is to get what has been promised more likely to be -- or closer delivered to what has been promised. Does that make any sense to you? It's kind of muddled." --explaining his plan to save Social Security, Tampa, Fla., Feb. 4, 2005

28. "For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three non-fatal shootings. And, folks, this is unacceptable in America. It's just unacceptable. And we're going to do something about it." --Philadelphia, Penn., May 14, 2001

27. "This is an impressive crowd -- the haves and the have mores. Some people call you the elite -- I call you my base." --at the 2000 Al Smith dinner

26. "Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream." --LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18, 2000

25. "I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe -- I believe what I believe is right." --Rome, Italy, July 22, 2001

24. "See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda." --Greece, N.Y., May 24, 2005

23. "People say, how can I help on this war against terror? How can I fight evil? You can do so by mentoring a child; by going into a shut-in's house and say I love you." --Washington, D.C., Sept. 19, 2002

22. "I wish you'd have given me this written question ahead of time so I could plan for it...I'm sure something will pop into my head here in the midst of this press conference, with all the pressure of trying to come up with answer, but it hadn't yet...I don't want to sound like I have made no mistakes. I'm confident I have. I just haven't -- you just put me under the spot here, and maybe I'm not as quick on my feet as I should be in coming up with one." --after being asked to name the biggest mistake he had made, Washington, D.C., April 3, 2004

21. "You forgot Poland." --to Sen. John Kerry during the first presidential debate, after Kerry failed to mention Poland's contributions to the Iraq war coalition, Miami, Fla., Sept. 30, 2004

20. "We've got a lot of rebuilding to do. First, we're going to save lives and stabilize the situation. And then we're going to help these communities rebuild. The good news is -- and it's hard for some to see it now -- that out of this chaos is going to come a fantastic Gulf Coast, like it was before. Out of the rubbles of Trent Lott's house -- he's lost his entire house -- there's going to be a fantastic house. And I'm looking forward to sitting on the porch." (Laughter) --touring hurricane damage, Mobile, Ala., Sept. 2, 2005

19. "The British government has learned that Saddam Hussein recently sought significant quantities of uranium from Africa." --State of the Union Address, Jan. 28, 2003, making a claim that administration officials knew at the time to be false

18. "The most important thing is for us to find Osama bin Laden. It is our number one priority and we will not rest until we find him." --Washington, D.C., Sept. 13, 2001

17.
"I don't know where bin Laden is. I have no idea and really don't care. It's not that important. It's not our priority." --Washington, D.C., March 13, 2002


16. "Can we win? I don't think you can win it." --after being asked whether the war on terror was winnable, "Today" show interview, Aug. 30, 2004

15. "I just want you to know that, when we talk about war, we're really talking about peace." --Washington, D.C. June 18, 2002

14. "I trust God speaks through me. Without that, I couldn't do my job." --to a group of Amish he met with privately, July 9, 2004

13. "Major combat operations in Iraq have ended. In the battle of Iraq, the United States and our allies have prevailed." --speaking underneath a "Mission Accomplished" banner aboard the USS Abraham Lincoln, May 1, 2003

12. "We found the weapons of mass destruction. We found biological laboratories ... And we'll find more weapons as time goes on. But for those who say we haven't found the banned manufacturing devices or banned weapons, they're wrong, we found them." --Washington, D.C., May 30, 2003

11. "Those weapons of mass destruction have got to be somewhere!" --joking about his administration's failure to find WMDs in Iraq as he narrated a comic slideshow during the Radio & TV Correspondents' Association dinner, Washington, D.C., March 24, 2004

10. "Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?" --Florence, South Carolina, Jan. 11, 2000

09. "As yesterday's positive report card shows, childrens do learn when standards are high and results are measured." --on the No Child Left Behind Act, Washington, D.C., Sept. 26, 2007

08. "If this were a dictatorship, it'd be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as I'm the dictator." --Washington, D.C., Dec. 19, 2000

07. "I'm the decider, and I decide what is best. And what's best is for Don Rumsfeld to remain as the Secretary of Defense." --Washington, D.C. April 18, 2006

06. "There's an old saying in Tennessee -- I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee -- that says, fool me once, shame on --shame on you. Fool me -- you can't get fooled again." --Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002

05. "Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." --Poplar Bluff, Mo., Sept. 6, 2004

04. "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." --Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004

03. "You work three jobs? ... Uniquely American, isn't it? I mean, that is fantastic that you're doing that." --to a divorced mother of three, Omaha, Nebraska, Feb. 4, 2005

02. "Brownie, you're doing a heck of a job." --to FEMA director Michael Brown, who resigned 10 days later amid criticism over his handling of the Hurricane Katrina debacle, Mobile, Ala., Sept. 2, 2005

01. "My answer is bring them on." --on Iraqi insurgents attacking U.S. forces, Washington, D.C., July 3, 2003
The Ant and The Grasshopper

Old Story: 

The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter. The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool and laughs dances plays the summer away. Come winter, the Ant is warm and well fed. The Grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.


New Indian Version: 

The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter. The Grasshopper thinks the Ant's a fool and laughs dances plays the summer away. 

Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving. 

NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering Grasshopper next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. 

The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor Grasshopper is allowed to suffer so? 

Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the Ant's house. 

Medha Patkar goes on a fast along with other Grasshoppers demanding that Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter . 

Mayawati states this as 'injustice' done on Minorities. 

Amnesty International and Koffi Annan criticize the Indian Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the Grasshopper. 

The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the Grasshopper (many promising Heaven & Everlasting Peace for prompt support as against the wrath of God for non-compliance) . 

Opposition MPs stage a walkout. Left parties call for 'Bengal Bandh' in West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry. 

CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among Ants and Grasshoppers. 

Lalu Prasad allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway Trains, aptly named as the 'Grasshopper Rath'. 

Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the 'Prevention of Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act' [POTAGA], with effect from the beginning of the winter. 

Arjun Singh makes 'Special Reservation' for Grasshoppers in Educational Institutions in Government Services. 

The Ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, it's home is confiscated by the Government and handed over to the Grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV, BBC, CNN. 

Arundhati Roy calls it 'A Triumph of Justice'. 

Lalu calls it 'Socialistic Justice'. 

CPM calls it the 'Revolutionary Resurgence of the Downtrodden'

Koffi Annan invites the Grasshopper to address the UN General Assembly. 

Many years later...

The Ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi-billion dollar company in Silicon Valley, 

100s of Grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation somewhere in India , 

...AND 

As a result of losing lot of hard working Ants and feeding the grasshoppers, India is still a developing country...!!

[VIA: Email]
[NOTE: I have no idea from whose creative mind this has come out]
You need to be prepared if you're going to travel in countries they don't have the modern facilities we are accustomed to. The Indian toilet has been around for ages. However, some might still not know how to use it. There is a solution for everything: lack of water, lack of toilet paper, & even a little trick to set the mood.

Better safe than sorry!

Asian toilet's can be hard to use especially for someone who isn't familiar or acquainted to it.

So, here's how you do it:
1. Lower yourself into a sitting position above the hole in the toilet
2. Sing a song or a tune & enjoy as you let it go!
3. Once your done, point the health faucet towards your bottom & press to release the water.
4. If a health faucet is not available, fill the bucket with water & pour a few mugs of water over your bottom till its clean.
5. It's generally more hygenic to use running water rather than toilet paper.
6. In case you are using toilet paper, make sure you dispose the used toilet paper into the dustbin & not into the toilet hole.
7. Fill the bucket with water & drain it into the hole so that all trace of excreta gets drained!

------------------------------------------------








I woke up early today, excited over all I get to do before the clock strikes midnight. I have responsibilities to fulfill today.

I am important. My job is to choose what kind of day I am going to have.

Today I can complain because the weather is rainy or...
I can be thankful that the grass is getting watered for free.

Today I can feel sad that I don't have more money or...
I can be glad that my finances encourage me to plan my purchases wisely and guide me away from waste.

Today I can grumble about my health or...
I can rejoice that I am alive.

Today, I can lament over all that my parents didn't give me when I was growing up or...
I can feel grateful that they allowed me to be born.

Today I can cry because roses have thorns or...
I can celebrate that thorns have roses.

Today I can mourn my lack of friends or...
I can excitedly embark upon a quest to discover new relationships.

Today I can whine because I have to go to work or...
I can shout for joy because I have a job to do.

Today I can complain because I have to go to school or...
I can eagerly open my mind and fill it with rich new tidbits of knowledge.

Today I can murmur dejectedly because I have to do housework or...I can feel honored because the Lord has provided shelter for my mind, body, and soul.

Today stretches ahead of me, waiting to be shaped.
And here I am, the sculptor who gets to do the shaping.

What today will be like is up to me.
I get to choose what kind of day I will have!

-- Author Unknown


[VIA: Email]
"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old RAMJIBHAI. 
"You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand there and 
nothing comes out."

"Ah, that's nothin ," said the 70-year-old KANJIBHAI. 
"When you're seventy, you don't have a bowel movement any more. 
You take laxatives, eat bran ,sit 
on the toilet all day and nothing' comes out!"

"Actually," said the 80-year -old RAMNIKBHAI
"Eighty is the worst age of all."

"Do you have trouble peeing, too?" asked the 60-year old RAMJIBHAI 
"No, I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all."

"So, do you have a problem with your bowel movement?"

"No, I have one every morning at 6:30."

Exasperated, the 60-year-old TAMJIBHAI said, 
"You pee every morning at 6:00 & 
crap every morning at 6:30. So what's so bad about being 80?"
^

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"I don't wake up until 7:00."

DO NOT SWALLOW

YOUR CHEWING-GUM

SEE WHAT HAPPENS?

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Mail Sent to You By SMS Bhai Group,  http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/smsbhai
After the collapse of the US Dollar, America has circulated the New US $

Cat listening to Lata Mangeshkar
www.hseved.blogspot.com

Cat listening to Sonu Nigam
www.hseved.blogspot.com

Cat listening to Anup Jalota
www.hseved.blogspot.com

Cat listening to Kumar Sanu
www.hseved.blogspot.com

Cat listening to Himesh Reshammiya
www.hseved.blogspot.com

[Via: Email]

Cat listening to...

by on 10:35:00 PM
Cat listening to Lata Mangeshkar Cat listening to Sonu Nigam Cat listening to Anup Jalota Cat listening to Kumar Sanu Cat listening to H...
www.hseved.blogger.com

www.hseved.blogger.com

www.hseved.blogger.com



www.hseved.blogger.com




www.hseved.blogger.com


www.hseved.blogger.com
Being happy is always in your hands. A happy employee is more productive and gives more than an unhappy employee.So let's look at some ways to up the happiness factor.

1. Plan your week on Sunday night
Look at your work calendar and plan your week on Sunday night or Monday morning. This would include important meetings, deliverables, a brief summary of things that are pending from last week and any tasks to be achieved during the week. Though this might look like a time management tip, at the end of the week, on Friday night when you re-visit what you have achieved over the last five days, the satisfaction is immense.

2. Undertake activities that you are passionate about even though it might not be in your job profile
Start an initiative that you would love to do irrespective of whether it is required for you to do or not.

  • Send a daily newsletter to your team on the topics that most of them will be interested.
  • Do a presentation on the topic that you are passionate about.
  • Organize a small sports event for your team.
  • Call everyone in your team for a team coffee, breakfast or lunch break
  • Appreciate colleagues in your team or in a cross-functional team who did a great job
  • Write a poem on your team's achievements
  • Arrange a potluck lunch

3. Do not indulge in the blame game
If something goes wrong do not blame others blindly. If you commit a mistake, do not hesitate to accept it. As Gauthama Buddha said, there are three things we can't hide for long: the sun, earth, and the truth. Accepting your mistake gracefully will only make you look like a true professional and also give you the satisfaction of not cheating.

4. Communicate more often in person
Utilize all the opportunities where you can speak to an individual in person rather than e-mail or phone. But be aware of the other person's time and availability. Listening to a positive answer from a person will give you more happiness than if it is done over the phone or via e-mail.

5. Know what is happening at your workplace
Will this make a person happy? Truly, yes! Imagine a cricket team that doesn't know how many runs to score to win a match? More than losing the game, the player will never be interested or motivated to play well.

Attend all meetings that are addressed by the CEO to your immediate manager to know what is going to happen around you. It could be the company's growth plan or your department's next big project. Jack Welch mentions in his book Winning "every employee, not just the senior people, should know how a company is doing."

You will also get an extra edge if you are in a position to answer queries raised by your peers or juniors. This is not just for the good reasons, but bad reasons as well. You do not want to be the last employee to know if your company is laying off employees (in the worst case, if you are the one who is on that list).

6. Participate in organisation-level activities
This could be as simple as spending one weekend for a corporate social responsibility activity or attending a recruitment drive to help your HR team or arranging a technical/sports event at the organizational level. Most of these events will be successful as people do come on their own to contribute.

7. Have a hobby that keeps you busy and happy
Many people say their hobby is watching TV or listening to music or reading the newspaper. These aren't hobbies, they are just ways of passing the time. Some hobbies are evergreen and will keep you evergreen as well: dancing, painting, writing short stories, poems, blogs and sharing your experiences.

8. Take up a sport
While choosing a sport make sure that there is physical activity. There is the danger of becoming addicted to sports where there is less physical activity (like computer games, chess, cards etc). Physical activity keeps a person healthy and happy. If you pick up one sport well, you can represent your organization in corporate sports event too.

9. Keep yourself away from office politics
Politics, as a practice, whatever its profession, has always been the systematic organization of hatreds.
-- Henry Brooks Adams.

Politics is everywhere and the office is no exception. Playing politics might be beneficial but only for the short term. So the best thing to do is play fair.

10. Wish and smile
More often than not, there are fair chances that the other person will smile back. This could be your security guard at the gate, your receptionist, your office boy, your CEO or your manager -- never forget to wish them and smile.

11. Volunteer for some activity

"The value of a man resides in what he gives and not in what he is capable of receiving." Albert Einstein

Do at least one activity without expecting anything in return. There is no set frequency for this. This could be once in a day or once in a week or thrice in a week. It could be as simple as making tea at the office for your colleague, helping a colleague who is working in another department by using your skills, dropping your colleague at his door step in your car, going to your manager or colleague to ask if there is any help you can extend, contributing to technical or knowledge management communities in your organisation etc.