My wife left me......

I don't understand. After the last child was born, she told me we had to cut back on expenses, I had to give up drinking beer.

I was not a big drinker, maybe a 12-pack on weekends. Anyway, I gave it up, but the other day, when she came home from shopping and I looked at the receipt and saw $45 in makeup, I said, "Wait a minute. I've given up beer and you haven't given up anything.

She said, "I buy that makeup so I can look pretty for you." I told her, "Hell, that's what the beer was for!"

I don't think she'll be back....