~*~ hseved ~*~

Recession (Gita Style)

To decode a woman’s expressions & sighs is probably the toughest job for a man to do. Seducing her is an art, which has to be learnt. Overpowering her, is altogether, a different issue but winning her heart and in turn, her body, requires skill, a bit of Vatsyayan, a bit of Sigmund Freud, & a bit of Isaac Newton may do the trick. Here is a formula, which is a sure-shot way to seduce a woman:

1. First Rule: Make her feel safe, connected and relaxed.
Only then she will open up to you. The reality is that there is hardly a greater turn-on for women than knowing they are being listened to and truly understood. It is a tried and tested rule: Pay attention to your lover’s wants, thoughts and feelings and you have tapped into one of the greatest seduction secrets.

2. Second Rule: Never ever force her.
Show her that you desperately want her but only if she is willing, otherwise of course, you can wait! (Even if you hate doing so). Remember that the mind is the most powerful sex organ of all. Secondly, forcing a woman to be around people she despises is a sure way to roll up the sexual red carpet. Thus, chose your company wisely.

3. Third Rule: Set the mood by pleasing her.
Surprise her with flowers. However, cliché it sounds it works every time. Rent the movie she has been wishing to see (even if you have seen it). Pick up the red wine she favours (even if you prefer beer). Get her the music CD of her favourite artist and play it for her (Even if you hate that music).

4. Fourth Rule: Slow down.
This is one of the greatest secrets of love-making. Remember whatever you are doing will be better at half the speed. This is the thumb rule for enhancing pleasure and love. Check out the magic of foreplay and you will know how patience pays!

5. Fifth Rule: Combine sex & spirituality.
Sex comprises of practical, philosophical, physical and metaphysical possibilities. It is as much about the spiritual side of love as it is about exploring new erotic possibilities.

Rules 2 Seduction

by Devesh Prabhu on 8:45:00 PM

To decode a woman’s expressions & sighs is probably the toughest job for a man to do. Seducing her is an art, which has to be learnt. Ov...

A dedicated Teamsters union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas & decided to check out the local brothels. When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union house?"

"No," she replied, "I'm sorry it isn't."

"Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"

"The house gets $80 & the girls get $20," she answered

Offended at such unfair dealings, the union man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully, unionized shop. His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam responded, "Why, yes sir, this is a union house. We observe all union rules"

The man asked, "And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?" "The girls get $80 & the house gets $20."

"That's more like it!" the union man said.

He handed the Madam $100, looked around the room, & pointed to a stunningly attractive blond. "I'd like her," he said.

"I'm sure you would, sir," said the Madam. Then she gestured to a 92-year-old woman in the corner, "but Ethel here has 67 years seniority & according to union rules, she's next."

Is there REALLY a union for hookers? (G-rated)

by Devesh Prabhu on 9:26:00 PM

A dedicated Teamsters union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas & decided to check out the local brothels. When he got to the...

Take tone of My name is Anthony Gonsalves from Amar Akbar Anthony and sing this song...

My name is Ramalinga Raju
main Satyam ka Lootera (Thief) hoon...

Khaate (Accounts) hai khaali, Balance sheets jaali (fake)
satyam employees ki bhi watt laga daali
...
jisko bhi yaad aaye, mujhe milne chala aaye
jisko bhi yaad aaye, mujhe milne chala aaye
...

Hyderabad police chowki, jholi (ssorry... kholi) number 420

ACCUSE ME PLEASE

abhi abhi jail ke andar ek company kholi hai, aji kholi hai, haan haan kholi hai
investors ne bhi lagayi bad chad kar boli hai, haan boli hai, haan haan boli hai
jailor bhi raazi, qaidi bhi raazi, Jab tak chalegi yeh jaalsaazi
..
..

jisko bhi yaad aaye, milke marne chala aaye
jisko bhi yaad aaye, milke marne chala aaye

.....Hyderabad police chowki, jholi (ssorry...kholi) number 420

ACCUSE ME PLEASE

My Name Anthony Gonsalves... Main Duniya Me Akela Hoon

by Devesh Prabhu on 12:57:00 AM

Take tone of My name is Anthony Gonsalves from Amar Akbar Anthony and sing this song... My name is Ramalinga Raju main Satyam ka Lootera (Th...

"Raju Raju, Yes Baba,
Cheating us, No Baba,
Telling Lies, No Baba,
Open your accounts, Ha Ha Ha".
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"Raju Raju sat up on the wall,
Raju Raju had a great fall,
Balance sheet died, shareholders cried,
Raju Raju made a big fraud."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Satyam: 'Stealing And Transferring Your All Money'.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Raju tumhare daant toh motiyo se chamak rahe hain?
Translation: (Raju, your teeth are sparkling like pearls)

to which Raju replies:

"Chamke kyu na? maine apni hi company ka paisa jo khaaya hai
Translation: (Why wont they sparkle, I have gobbled up my own firm's money).

Raju, Satyam & the World of Jokes

by Devesh Prabhu on 10:55:00 PM

"Raju Raju, Yes Baba, Cheating us, No Baba, Telling Lies, No Baba, Open your accounts, Ha Ha Ha". --------------------------------...

If a girl vomits, her parents ask: "Kaun hai woh Kamina?"

If a guy vomits: "Kamine, kaha se pee ke aaya hai?"

Moral: No matter who vomits, the guy is always the kamina!!