Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts

Why Girls are Better than Boys - Their Perspective



Why Girls are Better than Boys - Their Perspective



  • We got off the Titanic first. 
  • We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses. 
  • We never ejaculate prematurely. 
  • We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls and are nice to us when we blow up our computers. 
  • When we buy a vibrator it's glamorous. When men buy a blow-up doll, it's pathetic. 
  • Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin and gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours. 
  • We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers. 
  • We can cry and get off speeding fines. 
  • We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game. 
  • Taxis stop for us. 
  • Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance. 
  • We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing. 
  • Free drinks, free dinners, free moving (you get the point?). 
  • We can hug our friend without wondering if she thinks we're gay. 
  • We know the truth about whether size matters. 
  • New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life. 
  • If we have sex with someone and don't call the next day, we're not the devil. 
  • Condoms make no significant difference in our enjoyment of sex. 
  • We can sleep our way to the top. 
  • Nothing crucial can be cut off with one clean sweep. 
  • It is possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower. 
  • No fashion faux pas we make could rival Speedos. 
  • It's cool to be a daddy's girl. It's sad to be a mommy's boy. 
  • If we cheat on our spouse, people assume it's because we're being emotionally neglected. 
  • We never have to wonder if his orgasm was real. 
  • If we forget to shave, no one has to know. 
  • We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her arse. 
  • If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it. 
  • We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there. 
  • If we're dumb, some people will find it cute. 
  • We have an excuse to be a total bitch at least once a month. 
  • We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked. 
  • If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot. 
  • Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth. 
  • There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems. 
  • Gay waiters don't make us uncomfortable. 
  • We'll never regret piercing our ears. 
  • We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.


A guy, sitting outside his home about to be evicted from his house, was contemplating how the future would be after he had divorced his wife, lost his children, & lost his job.

He notices a crate of beer bottles & walks up to it. He takes out an Empty bottle, smashing it into the concrete wall swearing, "You are the reason I don' t have a wife", second bottle, "You are the reason I don't have my Children", third bottle "You are the reason I lost my job".

He notices the fourth bottle is sealed & still full of beer. He takes the Bottle, puts it aside, & says "Stand aside my dear friend, I know you were Not involved...."
An elderly couple was watching TV when a TV evangelist came on air to pray for the sick.

The evangelist said.. "For those of you who are sick, I want to pray with you so that you can be cured of your sickness. Place your right hand on the part of your body that is suffering from disorder, & raise your left hand."

The husband placed his right hand on his privates, raised his left hand, & closed his eyes.

His wife saw what he did, & slowly whispered,
"Honey, this prayer is to heal the sick, not to raise the dead!"

Divine Healing

by on 12:11:00 PM
An elderly couple was watching TV when a TV evangelist came on air to pray for the sick. The evangelist said.. "For those of you who ar...

It's ALWAYS the kids that suffer!
His Name is Zenkey!

Men Are Just Happier People - What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop & think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress, $5000.
Tux rental, $100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A 5-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a 3-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

Send this to women who can handle it, & to the men who will enjoy reading it.