Only In America

A pizza gets to our house faster than an ambulance.

There are handicap parking places in the front of skating rinks.

Drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

People order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

Banks leave two sets of front doors unlocked and open and then chain their pens to the counter.

We leave cars worth thousand of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

We use answering machines to screen our calls and then have "call waiting" so we won't miss a call from someone we don't want to talk to in the first place.

We buy hotdogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

We use the word "politics" to precisely describe our crazy process: "poli" in Latin means "many" and "tics" means "bloodsucking creatures".

We have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

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