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Company Policy: Effective Jan. 2006

Dress Code
1. It is advised that U come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see U wearing Prada shoes & carrying a Gucci bag,! we assume U are doing well financially & therefore do not need a raise.

2. If U dress poorly, U need to learn to manage your money better, so that U buy nicer clothes, & therefore U do not need a raise.

3. If U dress just right, U are right where U need to be & therefore U do not need a raise.

Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctors statement as proof of sickness. If U are able to go to the doctor, U are able to come to work.

Annual Leave
Each employee will receive 104 Annual Leave days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.

Bereavement Leave
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing U can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow U to work through your lunch hour & subsequently leave one hour early.

Toilet Use
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, & a picture will be taken. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the Chronic offenders category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break
1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.

2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank U for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation's, consternation & input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management.

Via: Shashi Shetty

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