President Bush recently spent two days in India, prompting an estimated 100 million people to take to the streets to protest his policies. Many carried banners calling him the world's biggest terrorist & some really bad names in Hindi.
"Welcome to India, Mr. President," US ambassador David Mulford said, shaking Bush's hand in New Delhi. "You're going to like it here. Your approval rating is higher here than in America. Indians absolutely love you."
"They love me?" Bush asked. "But 100 million of them are rioting & calling me bad names. I'm afraid to see what they'd do if they hated me."
"Don't take it the wrong way," the ambassador said. "It's only 100 million Indians. The other 90 percent absolutely love you. They adore you. "
"So you think I'm safe here?" Bush asked, visibly relieved. "No one will shoot me?"
"Very safe here," the ambassador said. "As long as you didn't bring Mr. Cheney with you."
Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh said the reports of 100 million protestors were greatly exaggerated. "I'm not disagreeing that 100 million people were on the streets," he said, "but most of them were simply waiting for the bus. & what looked like a riot to foreign journalists was just our usual traffic."
Upendra Kumar, a Bangalore man who helped organize the protests, agreed with Singh's assessment, adding that the protests would have been more effective if all banners and signs had been spellchecked. Indeed, one protestor, shown on TV networks worldwide, carried a sign that said, "Go home, Amrican terrierist." Another displayed a banner that said, "George W. Bush: world's biggest tourist."
Despite the protests, Bush's visit was a resounding success. He and Singh reached an agreement to share nuclear technology & expertise. "I feel very confident about India having weapons of mass destruction," Bush said. "This is a peaceful country that loves all its neighbors."
To underscore the point, Bush visited a memorial to Mahatma Gandhi & praised the leader's philosophy of nonviolence. "He has had a great influence on me and the rest of America," Bush said. "It is because of him and his principles that we have chosen not to invade more countries.
We are keeping our nonviolence to a minimum. I mean, our violence. You know what I mean."
Singh took Bush on a four-hour trip to the southern city of Hyderabad. They stopped at a high-tech center after Bush expressed a strong desire to "visit all the American jobs."
Singh told Bush that most of the jobs at the center had been outsourced from America in the last five years. "You mean I created all these jobs," Bush said, beaming from ear to ear. "And to think the Democrats say I haven't done anything for the economy."
As he left India for Pakistan, Bush said he hoped to foster economic & political development that would make India's neighbor "a force for freedom and moderation in the Arab world." Bush later corrected himself, telling reporters that he meant to say "the Muslim world."
"I know that all Muslim countries are not Arabic," he said. "And I also know that all Arab countries are not Muslimic."
Meanwhile, White House press secretary Scott McClellan, hoping to prevent another round of protests in the Muslim world, refuted reports in various Arabic newspapers and TV networks that Bush had said, "I know many people who are putting their faith in Islam are bad."
"The president was misquoted," McClellan said. "What he said was, 'My delegation is excited about President Musharraf's desire to bring about positive change. I know many people who are putting their faith in Islamabad.'"
He added that the president had held important discussions with Pakistani officials and had left the country with a much better understanding of how to pronounce 'Islamabad.'
Humor by Melvin Barnes
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