One day I met a sweet gentleman & fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice - giving up eating beans.
Some months later on my birthday, my car broke down on my way home from work from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband & told him that I would be late because I had to walk the remainder of the distance.
On my way, I passed by a small diner. The smell of baked beans that came from it was more than I could resist. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner & before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.
Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me & exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat & just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang.
He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned & went to answer the call.
The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg & let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap & fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage.
Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable.
When eventually the telephone farewells signalled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.
My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologising for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeped through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, & 12 dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"
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