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DILBERT'S LAWS

*I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either.

*I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

*Tell me what you need and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

*Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.

*Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing him again.

*I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.

*My reality check bounced.

*On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

*I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.

*Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

*Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.

*A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick on the butt.

*After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.

*Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

*If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a fool about it.

*Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."

*To err is human, to forgive is not our policy.

*Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.

*If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

*When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

*Following the rules will not get the job done.

*Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules.

*The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.